The Twin Bed Affinity
by Mrs Penny Cooper
Summary: Sheldon's mother dies, and Penny takes him home to Texas. Some initial P/L, but mostly S/P.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

* * *

Penny sighed contentedly. There were already so many good things about the day: it was Saturday, she had slept until noon, she was still in her pajamas, she was on her second cup of coffee she didn't have to make, and she had the boys' remote control and TV all to herself.

Best of all, Penny thought guiltily, Leonard was working on some project for the past few nights. The machine he was using began with a P …or an I. Or something like that. But the result was that she had a few nights to herself, some pure Penny-Alone time instead of Penny-and-Leonard time, which meant she was able to indulge in six fantastic hours of Age of Conan with Sheldon before dozing on the couch watching X-Files DVDs. She had made Sheldon watch the ones where it was totally obvious Scully and Mulder would hook up (despite his complaints, which she countered with the argument that at least they were watching X-Files). Wriggling deeper into Sheldon's spot on the couch, she settled on a rerun of America's Top Model and prepared to laze the day away.

"You're in my spot," Sheldon complained, emerging from his bedroom. He was spending the morning reorganizing his comic collection in anticipation of a rare issue he had won on eBay.

"Do you even want to sit?"

"No." He paused. "You're in my spot."

"Yeah, yeah." With a flourish, Penny put her feet up on the coffee table. "Not moving, Sheldon."

Fishing his key out of the ceramic bowl, Sheldon opened the door. "If my package has arrived, I will expect you to vacate my cushion. However, you may continue to watch whatever tripe your diminutive attention span has settled upon, as I will be engrossed in the vintage adventures of the original X-Men."

"Generous, Sheldon."

"Yes, I am." The door shut behind him before Penny could finish sticking her tongue out.

But Penny was in a pleasant mood, and she decided to slurp her coffee instead of maliciously licking everything that Sheldon would touch in the next few minutes (including the couch), even if the thought did cross her mind. As a result of this good behavior, when Sheldon's cell phone rang she decided to garner the automatic strike and picked it up.

The screen blinked "Evil Twin" as it played the theme from _Psycho. _"Missy! What up? It's Penny!"

"Penny?"

" … Hey?"

"Penny!" Missy's voice broke off on a sob. "Penny-girl, where's Shelley?"

Penny put down her coffee and returned to the couch. "He just went downstairs for a minute. Missy, what's wrong? Are you OK?"

"No!" she cried. "Penny, Momma was in an accident. There was a drunk driver, and she was standing by her car, and – she's dead. And I don't know how I'm going to tell Shelley-"

"Oh, no." Penny immediately burst into tears, and the two women cried long-distance for the next few seconds.

The apartment door opened. "Now, let's see if this Joseph from Portland followed my shipping instructions and properly - Penny, is that my phone? I assume you _do_ know answering my phone is an automatic strike." She whipped around to face him, wiping the tears off her face with the back of her hand. Sheldon stood warily in the doorway, a thin cardboard box in his hand. "Penny, is something distressing you?"

A thin wail erupted from the phone in Penny's hand. "Sheldon," she said, sniffling, "It's Missy."

Missy didn't wait long enough for Sheldon to cross the room and put the phone to his ear, but Sheldon's weird Vulcan hearing nonetheless enabled him to hear her. "Shelley, it's Mom. She was hit by a drunk driver and … and…" Missy sobbed.

Sheldon froze with his arm outstretched. His eyes grew huge and he swayed before toppling over.

"Sheldon!" Penny screamed. She dropped the phone and dove forward, bruising her knees but catching him before his head slammed into the coffee table. She rolled him over, and he lay staring blankly at the ceiling. "Sheldon, can you hear me?" Groping around under the couch for the phone, she said, "Missy! I'm going to call you back! Sheldon's passed out, or something, and I've got to call the guys for help."

"Take care of him, Penny, please," Missy begged. "Call me back soon."

"I promise." Penny hung up and searched for a phone number she recognized. She assumed the listing "Creepy Semi-Skilled Laborer" was for his phone. She wasn't sure about any of the other numbers. ("Symbiotic Moron" may have been Leonard, but she wasn't sure enough to try.)

"Hello?" Howard's greasy voice answered.

"Howard? It's Penny. I need you to come here right now!" she said, before wincing and wishing she had phrased that some other way.

"Is it a sexual emergency? And if it is, why are you using Sheldon's phone? Because I'm really not into that sort of thing unless it involves two women instead of two men."

"NO!" she screamed, rising to her knees. "I need help. Sheldon's mom-" she choked off. She couldn't say the word, not with Sheldon's big blue eyes staring so vacantly at her. "Something's happened to her, and Sheldon's on the floor, and I can't move him."

"I'll get Koothrappali. We'll be there in fifteen- no, ten." Penny had never heard Howard sound so serious. "Hang on, Penny."

She hung up and sat back down on the floor, weeping onto a prone Sheldon. She shifted the coffee table away and tried to lift him from his armpits. "Sheldon, honey, I just want to get you on the couch. It'll be more comfortable. Can you hear me?" He turned his head upward to look at her, but didn't speak.

The door slammed. "Penny! I'm home!" Leonard's bag dropped to the floor. "Penny, are you OK? Why are you crying?" He rushed forward, stepping on one of Sheldon's hands in the process. Sheldon didn't even respond. "Sorry, Sheldon. What's his problem? Was his comic book late or something?"

Something within Penny snapped. Perhaps it was his single-minded, stifling solicitousness, or maybe it was just the darkening red mark on Sheldon's hand from Leonard's heel. Penny flung off Leonard's stroking hands and screamed in frustration. "Three strikes, Hofstadter! Get out! GET OUT!"

Leonard looked stunned. "What's wrong, Penny? Why is Sheldon on the floor?"

Irrational beyond all hope, Penny pointed to the door. "Banished! Get out!" she shrieked.

"But … this is my apartment!" He sounded so hurt.

"I don't care! Out!" she cried, before throwing herself onto the floor next to Sheldon, sobbing uncontrollably.

Leonard's footsteps moved toward the door. Quietly, he pulled his keys from the bowl. "Do you need me to call anyone? Koothrappali? 911?" Even after being kicked out of his own home, Leonard was such a good guy.

Penny shook her head. "Howard and Raj are coming." Arranging Sheldon's arms in a more comfortable position, Penny briefly regretted banishing Leonard before asking him to help lift Sheldon onto the couch. Shifting Sheldon's head into her lap, she stroked his short hair and tried not to let her tears fall directly onto his face. "Soft kitty, warm kitty," she shakily began to sing.

The door clicked quietly shut behind Leonard.

* * *

Whoa. It has been almost 10 years since I've used to publish a story. I'm still figuring out the new system- it's hard!

Like I said, 10 years has passed since I've tried to write anything at all. I'd appreciate any reviews and especially concrit. I love the Big Bang Theory, and this kept circling in my head until I started writing. I've got the next chapter written, but I want to finish chapter 3 before I post any more.

Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey. Thanks for the comments, guys. This chapter is a bit longer, by the way. It took a while to get to a good stopping point.

CountryGrl: Thanks! Will do!

Kmd5133: The licking was one of my favorite parts. Gross and childish and vindictive! That's Penny and Sheldon right there!

Babebubeboink99: I don't have an LJ account anymore, so I haven't joined Paradox. I've browsed it a couple of times, though. As for Leonard, he's basically going to be a good guy for the rest of the story. The way I thought about it was: he was working all night, was cranky, and Sheldon probably has been bitching at him for a few days about rides, etc. So if his patience with Sheldon was low, there was a good reason. As always. Besides, what I really meant to show was his unnatural predilection to hone in on a crying Penny to the exclusion of all other obstacles- even a catatonic Sheldon.

Midnight Silhouette: Thanks for the first comment! You raised my spirits!

* * *

Howard and Raj came in a few minutes later. Howard was still in his bathrobe, but Raj was fully dressed in his usual pressed slacks, buttoned-down shirt, and sweater. Between the three of them, Sheldon was coaxed from the floor to his bed.

"Stay here, sweetie, we'll be right outside," Penny told him, fluffing his pillows behind his head while Raj tied an ice pack to Sheldon's injured hand with a towel. Sheldon nodded slightly but didn't speak. Penny was pretty sure he hadn't blinked since he had heard the news. She left the door open.

Howard and Raj collapsed on the couch. "Horse shit," Howard said, and Raj nodded fervently.

"I know," Penny replied, getting weepy again. "I gotta call Missy back."

As she scrolled down to "Evil Twin," Howard asked quietly, "Why is Leonard sitting on the curb outside the apartment building?"

Missy's phone rang. "I, um, banished him," Penny said, a little sheepishly. Raj and Howard exchanged a look. "Missy!"

"Oh, God, is Shelley okay?" Missy sounded hysterical.

Penny winced. "Okay" was definitely not the word she would use to describe Sheldon's state. "We put him to bed," she replied, "but he's not talking."

"We need to make flight arrangements," Missy told her. Penny grabbed Sheldon's laptop, which was already on and logged in, thankfully. Penny wasn't quite sure how to do either on Sheldon's weird, specially modified laptop. "Expedia. Grab his wallet. Mastercard."

Penny was hesitant. "You sure, Missy?"

"Go ahead. If he gets mad, blame it all on me." Raj picked delicately through Sheldon's desk and came up with a leather Batman wallet. He tossed it to Penny, who gingerly opened it, half expecting a booby trap. "Scholes International Airport at Galveston. Make the flight tonight, if possible."

Penny pressed a few keys. "Okay. There is a flight out of LAX at 8:50 PM. How's that?"

"Fine." There was a brief pause. "Penny, you're coming with him, right?"

"What? To Texas?" Penny asked, surprised. "I really can't, Missy."

"Please, Penny," Missy begged. "We can't put him on a flight alone. Not like this. I know him, Penny. He's probably in some kind of stupor, he'll get lost in the airport and we'd never see him again."

"What about Raj and Howard? Or-" she hesitated, remembering how badly she had blown up at her boyfriend. "Or Leonard?"

Howard took the phone from Penny's hand. "Missy, let me talk to Penny for a bit." He pressed the speakerphone button and set it on the coffee table. "Penny. Leonard or Koothrappali or myself could go with him, but _seriously_, besides keeping him from wandering onto the runway, what could we actually do to help?" Raj nodded, and whispered something in Howard's ear. "We aren't good with _feelings_. You're sensitive and nice and stuff."

"I would, guys, but I can't. I need to work. I have, like, three hundred dollars in my checking account right now. I'll come back and they will have evicted me, and my stuff will be sitting abandoned on the curb."

"Like Leonard," Howard mumbled, and Penny flushed with shame. "Penny, we got it this time. Go with Sheldon."

"Guys, remember how bad I acted when Sheldon lent me money? I really can't."

Raj whispered something else in his ear. "It's not a loan, Penny. _We got it._ You need to take care of Sheldon. We'll take care of you. I think it's more than fair." Raj whispered again. "Sorry, _we _think it's more than fair. Please, Penny. For Sheldon."

Missy's tinny, speakerphone voice echoed, "Please."

Penny's pride cracked a little, but she whispered, "Okay. Number of adults on flight. Two." A few minutes later, the itinerary churned out from Sheldon's printer.

"I'll pick you up at the airport, Penny. Thank you. And thank you, Howard and Raj." Missy hung up, and the three sat in silence.

"Maybe you should talk to Leonard." Howard's statement was met with more silence.

Finally, Penny answered. "Maybe."

A sad little voice came from the hallway. "Penny?"

Penny jumped up, knocking a few things off of the coffee table. "Sheldon!" She ran down the hallway and into Sheldon's room. "You okay, sweetie?"

Howard and Raj looked at each other. Raj shrugged. "Maybe not?"

* * *

Penny burst into Sheldon's bedroom. "Sheldon! You okay, sweetie?"

He was sitting on his bed, knees under his chin and arms wrapped around his legs. "No," he whispered. His face was pale and drawn, and his eyes hadn't lost that empty, haunted look.

"Oh, Sheldon. I know you're not okay. But you're not alone," she told him, sitting on the bed next to him. Slowly, she reached out an arm and wrapped it around him, just in case he didn't want to be touched. But instead of drawing away, Sheldon crumpled heavily against Penny's shoulder, almost knocking her over. "Oh, moon pie."

His eyelashes fluttered against her collarbone, like the feet of baby mice. "You're coming home with me?" he said almost inaudibly.

"Yeah, you heard? Our flight leaves tonight, and Raj said – well, he didn't _say_ because I was in the room, but he gestured- that he would drive us to the airport at 6." She rubbed his back, and he wrapped himself a little more tightly around her. "Missy's gonna pick us up once we're there, your brother is driving in from Houston and all of us will stay at your Momma's house." Sheldon let out a little shudder, and Penny mentally berated herself for mentioning his mother.

There was a knock on the open door, and Howard stepped carefully in, setting a black rolling suitcase on the floor at the foot of the bed. "Hi. I got your suitcase out." There was an awkward pause. "If there's anything else I can do, just let me know. I'm sorry, Sheldon."

"Thank you," Sheldon said very quietly, more humble than Penny had ever seen him. Howard disappeared back into the living room. Sheldon unwound himself from around Penny and reached his long fingers out to touch the canvas cloth of the suitcase.

"You want some help packing?" Sheldon nodded. "Let me know if there is anything you don't want me to touch." He stood and opened a dresser drawer, pulling out an armful of t-shirts. Despondently, he crammed them in, his neurosis apparently vanishing in the face of his grief. Wordlessly, Penny handed him pajamas, socks and underwear (she touched his underwear and he said nothing!) and he carelessly rolled a few pairs of pants into a corner. Casual wear out of the way, he turned to his closet and seemed to shrink into himself.

"I should bring something nicer for the funeral," he said, "Mom would hit me with her Bible if I didn't dress myself decent in church." His Texan twang returned for that last phrase.

"Let's see what you have," Penny told him. He nodded, but turned away and sat on the bed again. In the end, Penny chose a pair of nice gray slacks, a couple of decent shirts that she bet Missy had bought for him, and a black sport coat that turned out to be the only jacket he owned that wasn't a hideous plaid. Folding them gently, she put them on top of the already packed clothes. "Any toiletries, honey?"

"Emergency bag, under bed, red label," he whispered. She found it easily. Inside were a row of little bottles, a shaving kit, and a new toothbrush. She zipped it shut and placed it inside the suitcase.

"Is that everything?" He nodded. "I'd better get myself ready, too." Sheldon nodded again, wrapping his arms around his stomach. His unhappy posture and his big sad eyes almost made her cry again. "Honey, you want to come and sit with me while I pack?" she asked, and in response he stood and followed her meekly across the hall and into her apartment.

Dragging out her Hello Kitty suitcase, Penny grabbed a handful of panties and bras and stuffed them into the pocket of the suitcase. The Texas coast in March was probably warm-ish with chilly nights, Penny figured, so she grabbed an armful of cotton dresses and a couple of sweaters and dumped them in. She added a pair of flats, leggings, her nicest black pumps, and a black dress that didn't show her boobs too much. Sweeping her stack of makeup into a cosmetics bag (surely she could borrow stuff from Missy if she forgot anything crucial), Penny grabbed a gallon Ziploc from the floor, shook out the handful of Penny Blossoms that it had been holding, and threw some shampoo, her toothbrush and a razor inside. "Done," she exclaimed. It hadn't taken five minutes.

Sheldon was curled on her bed. "Penny," he said, pointing to the Ziploc. "That is disgusting." She was almost relieved at the return of his anal-retentiveness before realizing that maybe he wasn't feeling better. After all, her razor, the thing she used to shave her armpits, was touching the bristles of her toothbrush. She conceded that it was truly gross and went to the kitchen to get a separate bag.

"Okay, now done." She grabbed her phone and recharger and jammed them into her purse. Her PJs were close enough to sweatpants that she could get away with it at the airport. She pulled a hoodie over her head and took Sheldon by the hand. "See? I'm efficient." Locking up her apartment, together they walked back across the hall.

There was still several hours before they had to leave, but Sheldon declined eating anything and instead opted for a nap. After letting Penny force a bottle of water down his throat, Sheldon (shoes on- the world was coming to an end) laid on his bed and looked up at her with that pleading, lost expression that had broken her heart all day.

"Sing Soft Kitty?" he asked, and Penny's heart exploded in her chest. For, like, the five hundredth time in two hours, she burst into tears. Reaching over, she crushed him in the biggest bear hug she could muster and sang "Soft Kitty" on a never-ending loop until his eyes finally fluttered shut. Then she buried her face in his shoulder and wept herself to sleep.

* * *

At 4:17, Sheldon woke briefly, feeling vaguely dissatisfied and uncomfortable. Then he remembered his mother, and his brain shut down. He tried to think of a word that, in the many languages at his command, could accurately describe his emotional state. All he could think of was "sad."

"Whhu," said a voice under his arm, and he looked down in surprise to see Penny. "Habby kiddy, sleeby kiddy, purr purr purr," she mumbled, before turning over in her sleep and letting out a loud sigh.

"I love you, Penny," he said out loud, surprising himself. The only people to whom he had ever said those three words (in that order, to that purpose) were his mother, father and, once or twice, to his sister. Never to his brother. His long fingers briefly ghosted over her cheek of their own will, and his breath hitched in a strange way. "Huh." He'd figure it out later, when his cognitive functions were back in order. Pressing his face against her shoulder, breathing in the lavender-and-Penny scent of her skin, he went back to sleep humming a few bars of "Soft Kitty."

Penny's eyes were wide open in the half-darkness.

In the living room, Raj was similarly astonished.

* * *

After a very awkward half-hour of pretending to be asleep, Penny extracted herself from Sheldon's arms and got out of bed. Rubbing her face in her hands, she resisted the urge to moan in frustration.

A rustling distracted her. "Where are you going?" Sheldon asked sleepily. Despite being so tall, he looked very small and vulnerable on the rumpled bed.

"Don't worry, sweetie," she patted his arm, her voice a little gravelly from singing and crying. "Just gotta use the bathroom. I'll be right back." He nodded and leaned back into the pillows, his eyes half-lidded.

She didn't really need to pee. Instead, she walked to the kitchen and got a bottle of water (although she really wanted rum, and a lot of it). The living room was dark. The curtains were pulled closed and the only light came from Sheldon's open laptop.

Blending into the darkness was Koothrappali, and Penny had to stifle a shriek when she first saw him. "Jesus, you're like a cat," she whispered in a hoarse voice. Smiling, he held up his hands like a criminal being confronted with a corrupt police officer. "Where's Howard?"

Raj pointed at the door and held up his right hand, extending the thumb and first finger like an "L."

"Ooh. I get it. I probably should talk to Leonard. I was a queen bitch earlier today."

Raj shrugged. Penny hoped that gesture meant "he had it coming" rather than "yes, you were a total bitch." Raj then made a series of complicated gestures that made no sense whatsoever.

"Wait, what? Oh, Raj, I wish you could just talk to me."

He thought for a moment, then seized Sheldon's laptop and gestured for her to come closer. Opening a notebook program, he typed rapidly before turning the screen to face Penny with an inquisitive look.

Her heart stopped beating when she read the line.

_Are you attracted to Sheldon?

* * *

_

Gotta love Raj. Please review! I love you!

By the by, Penny isn't "into" Sheldon yet. She's worried about him, she loves him platonically, but she doesn't think of him in a sexual manner until Sheldon drops the L-bomb and Raj gets nosy.

That was just to be clear. Was it obvious to you, or is there another way I could have shown this? Any ideas would be appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

Oh, my, so many comments! Thank you! I'm tired and lazy, and had to deal with morons at work all day, so I will issue a quick BLANKET THANK YOU to CountryGrl, babebubeboink99, cyan-luminis, love is overrated, BrilliantDance, Cazza799, gidget89, untherapy, and xAbiVx! (What fun usernames to type! All so cool.)

And a special thank you to babebubeboink99, who posted this on Paradox for me. Thank you, I truly appreciate your help!

We left off with Penny and Raj "talking" via Sheldon's laptop. Here goes!

* * *

It was a disturbing conversation, though very few words were spoken aloud. Possibly the most disquieting fact was that Penny, having drank her water and destroyed the label of the bottle in a fit of nerves, had no idea how to answer. She whispered back the best she could, hoping Sheldon was peacefully sleeping and not listening with his freakish eardrums, before hugging Raj and escaping with very little of her sanity.

She crept back into Sheldon's room and curled up next to him. Automatically, his arm lifted to pull her closer, and suddenly the contact was so much more than it had been this whole, awful day- was he holding her like a child's teddy bear? A good friend? A _lover_?

How was she touching him right now? Was she acting as a teddy bear, a friend, or a lover? And now that she was consciously thinking about it, each movement and contact suddenly became of painful interest to her.

The warmth that radiated from where her back was pressed against his front. (Comforting, she decided. Nice.)

The weight of his arm around her waist. (Once again, comforting. Except for the fact that they were laying down, it was like an extended hug. Hugs were okay, right? You could hug your grandmother, or your teddy bear, or your friend … or your lover. Shoot. Back to square one.)

Each time she had held his hand that day. (Did friends lace their fingers together? Or not? What had they done? Crap-turkey, she couldn't remember.)

The soft movement of his breath against her neck. (Well, that _was_ kind of sexy. Stop thinking about that now.)

The way his fingers had felt against her cheek. (Down, girl! Oh, Lord, if she hadn't pretended to be asleep, she wondered if…)

No. No, no, no. He was in mourning. Penny, she told herself, don't think about _anything_ sexual. It wouldn't be fair to him, especially since he barely ever let her touch him when he wasn't out of his mind with grief. She twitched involuntarily.

Her sudden movement had awakened him. "Penny?" he murmured sleepily into her hair. "What is it?"

She swallowed a sudden lump in her throat. "Nothing, sweetie." She patted his hand, and Sheldon laced his long fingers through her smaller ones. A dozen Penny Blossom butterflies burst into life in her stomach. She resisted the urge to kiss the tips of his fingers. _Oh,_ _my God._

"Okay." He edged closer, his nose brushing the side of her neck. His breathing evened out again in sleep, while Penny's sped up from anxiety. Just anxiety. Not arousal. _Just anxiety._

An hour and a half left. It was driving her crazy. And the worst part: the more she thought about it, the more it turned her on.

* * *

Raj knocked on the door, five minutes to six, and froze at the sight of Sheldon spooning Penny. Penny was, of course, still awake, and the eye contact between herself and Raj was possibly one of the most embarrassing moments she had experienced, like, ever.

After clearing his throat nervously, Raj tapped his watch and gave an awkward smile.

"Sheldon, it's time to go." Penny scooted out of the bed, extending a hand to Sheldon. He blinked a few times, then stood, looking more rumpled and untidy than she had ever seen him. Raj clapped him on the back and led him into the bright light of the hallway. Penny followed.

Howard was there, waiting. At some point, he must have returned home to fetch some clothes.

And Leonard was there, looking terribly ashamed with himself.

The boys' goodbye was brief, and if she hadn't known them better, Penny would have thought the exchanges were entirely unemotional. But the uncommon gentleness with which all of their normally gauche friends handled Sheldon spoke volumes.

"Called work for you, Sheldon, explained everything. They said to take as much time as you need," Howard told him. He held out his hand for a manly handshake. To everyone's astonishment, Sheldon the germophobe accepted it without complaint.

"Thank you," he whispered in the same low decibel he had used all day.

Leonard followed, handing Sheldon his Batman wallet and keys. "Sheldon, I'm really sorry about your mother," he said, his head hanging low between his shoulders. "I'm also sorry I was such an asshole earlier. I'll take care of your plants and air your room according to contingency plan C13."

"Thank you. And," Sheldon added gravely, without a hint of sarcasm or joviality, "I revoke the strikes and banishment Penny placed upon you by proxy while I was disabled."

"Gee, thanks." At that, Leonard shot an awkward glance at Penny.

"Here," Howard said suddenly. "Give me your suitcase, Penny, I'll carry it to the car. Raj, let's get Sheldon downstairs." Raj silently agreed, giving Penny a significant glance she did not know how to interpret, and picked up Sheldon's suitcase. The two began to herd him toward the door.

Sheldon's head swiveled around as the distance between him and Penny grew. In fact, he looked to be on the verge of panic. "Penny?" he called, the loudest he had spoke all day. "Penny!"

"Oh, sweetie, I'll be down in just a minute, I promise," she told him. He nodded, though his eyes were still as wide as a deer in the headlights of a Nebraskan pickup filled with Penny's gun-toting cousins.

As the three men walked down the staircase, she could hear Raj's voice saying "needs to talk to Leonard."

* * *

When Penny was seventeen, her boyfriend cheated on her. It was the first time (that she knew of- and definitely not the last, damn that Kurt), and she had sat herself down to make some pretty stringent ground rules.

First, and most obviously, she would never cheat herself. Second, she would dump anyone who cheated on her, no second chances (Kurt, go to hell, do not collect $200). And finally, she would never stay in a relationship in which she even briefly contemplated cheating. (Stupid fantasies were okay, like a shirtless Keanu Reeves ravishing her in a solid gold Italian villa, but not semi-plausible scenarios, such as herself and Sheldon fooling around in his bed.)

These were the rules. They were tough. But she had to at least _try_ to keep them, or lose all self-respect.

But forcing herself to speak while Leonard sat, looking so sad and so crushed, was one of the hardest things she ever did in her life.

"Penny," Leonard said, stunned. "Please, please, is there anything I can do to make you change your mind? I care about you so much, and I know I was incredibly stupid today, but please, I can fix it. Let me fix it." His voice rose another octave and then cracked.

"I'm sorry, I can't," Penny said, tears pricking her eyes. Leonard sniffed, and to her horror she saw he was also crying. "You're so sweet and I love you but we should just be friends. We can't be anything but friends."

Leonard bowed his head. A few tears dripped from his nose to his lap. "Why didn't you tell me this half a year ago? Or, you know, before you made me love you?"

"I'm sorry!" she cried. "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. And now I have to go, with all these bad feelings between us, and- and- I'm sorry!"

He still looked like he had been punched in the gut, but he stood up and put his arms around her. "There can never be bad feelings between us, Penny," he said with some effort, but managed a brave face when she looked up at him. "No matter what."

She snuffled into his shirt. "I don't deserve you."

He laughed a little. "Of course not. Now please, take care of my best friend."

"I will," she promised, before giving him a grateful look and a peck on the cheek. "I will."

She ran down the stairs as fast as she could. Raj had pulled up to the curb, and Sheldon stood uneasily by the car. After a surprisingly non-creepy hug from Howard, Penny patted Raj on the arm. Taking in the sad look on her face, Raj raised his eyebrows sympathetically.

"Sheldon, are you ready?" Penny asked, holding out her hand.

With an odd little smile, Sheldon reached out his larger hand and engulfed hers, lacing their fingers together, and held on like the world depended on it. Raj drove in silence; Sheldon, Penny, and Penny's butterflies sat in the back.

* * *

The door shut softly behind her, and Leonard allowed himself to slump backwards onto the couch. The only thing that kept him from bursting into embarrassing, debilitating tears was the fact that Howard would probably be back within a couple of minutes.

The last few months had been like a dream come true, the kind of life Leonard always wanted but never thought he could have, and now it was all over. How was he supposed to recover from this?

"Leonard, you pathetic bastard," he groaned, and slapped himself in the face a couple of times. Taking a deep breath, he tried to regain his equilibrium; after all, now that Sheldon was gone, no one else was going to tidy up the living room. It looked like a tornado had blown through the apartment.

Leonard had dumped Raj's empty soda cans, a scattering of paper napkins, and a half-spilled mug of cold coffee when a few typed sentences on Sheldon's open laptop grabbed Leonard's attention. He sat down hard, dropping a handful of coffee-infused napkins on the rug at his feet.

_Are you attracted to Sheldon?_

And then worse: _Are you going to break up with Leonard?_

Then the final ball-breaker: _Don't worry, I promise I won't tell Leonard.

* * *

_

Hah, that's right. You still don't get to find out what Penny said to Raj. It will be a while. Sorry.

Also, sorry this chapter took longer to post. I had trouble churning out a rough draft to chapter 4, which I wanted to complete before posting this. Penny and Sheldon have somewhat of a heart-to-heart in ch 4, and it kept getting too sexy for this point in the story, so I had to hose them off with cold water and start over.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the encouraging comments, guys. I'm glad none of you objected to a little bit of sexy, because some of it did end up in here. Also, thanks to everyone for being so supportive. I haven't written any fiction in a long time, and as babebubeboink said, I was worried whether or not I "still had it." As usual, I'm grateful for any concrit, especially related to pacing, OOC-ness, and irks.

And finally- holy crap on a cracker- the promo. I _know _I will not be completely satisfied with anything less than Sheldon and Penny making frantic, passionate love against the bathroom door (while Leonard weeps in frustration), but STILL. I am looking forward to that episode so much.

* * *

After all the horror stories the boys had told her about Sheldon and airports, Penny hustled Sheldon through security and to their gate with relatively little difficulty, despite the fact that Sheldon only let go of her hand to step through the metal detector. He briefly quailed at the sight of a snotty toddler and her sweaty, frustrated father across the aisle in the plane, but Penny placed her body between him and the offending sight like a mother bear and wedged Sheldon into the window seat. His knees folded up practically under his chin.

Penny pulled the armrest up between them and scooted closer. "How are you holding up, sweetie?" she asked him, squeezing his hand.

The airplane rumbled, and Sheldon tensed. "I don't like flying, but I'm managing. I suppose," he replied. "It appears I can function at a reduced level of acumen as long as I don't think about-" his voice choked slightly- "Mom too much."

She bit her lip. Nothing she could say would help; in fact, the usual platitudes would undoubtedly make things worse. Who thought "it'll be okay" or "I hope you feel better soon" were good things to say to a grieving person?

"It's not okay, and you won't feel better soon," Penny whispered. "But I promise you I'll be with you the entire way." Hearing her own words, her face became hot with embarrassment. "That sounded awful, Sheldon, I'm sorry. It came out all wrong."

Luckily, Sheldon's big squishy brain was able to hear the unvoiced inanities Penny had only spoken in her mind. "Don't apologize. It was adequately stated." The plane hit a bit of turbulence, and Sheldon's hand spastically tightened on hers. "I think I will try to sleep again. We will be losing three hours due to time zones."

Penny tilted her head back to look into his face. "You ok, honey? You've been sleeping almost all day."

"In times of distress, sleep can act as an emotional defense mechanism," Sheldon explained. "I do not think it is unhealthy as long as I do not indulge in it; such a course of action would instead aggrandize lethargy and depression." He hesitated, and looked down at their entwined hands, bashfully lowering his head. "Speaking of indulging. The increased physical contact we have shared in the past nine hours has been a great comfort to me. I hope I am not overstepping my bounds."

Penny smiled tenderly at him. "Of course you're not, honey. I was worried _I_ was making you uncomfortable. I'm glad you want me to touch you." She had put her foot in her mouth again, but as usual with double entendres, Sheldon didn't appear to notice the dirty implications. "Lord knows I wouldn't know how to help you if I couldn't hug you."

"Penny, I can count any number of ways you helped me today," he said, ready to let loose a detailed list, looking at her with such a sweet, earnest expression that Penny just had to reach out and brush her fingers against his cheek. His eyes fluttered closed at the contact, and she realized she had mirrored the exact motion he had made back at the apartment, when he had said he loved her. With a rush of emotion, the sudden insight hit her like a ton of bricks. _She loved him back._ Whatever he had meant, whether or not it was romantic or platonic or whatever, she loved him.

"Why don't you get some rest, love?" This new endearment rolled off her tongue so comfortably. Sheldon nodded, his eyes still shut and an indecipherable smile on the edge of his mouth. With one last fond look, Penny cuddled closer, an easy enough feat in the tiny airplane seats. Sweaty Parent gave a disapproving look. Childishly, she stuck her tongue out at the man; this was none of his beeswax.

"Penny?" he said, half-opening his eyes to look down at her.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for coming with me," he said, in the same heart-wrenchingly sweet little voice he had used in her bed those long months ago, when the others had been living it up in Vegas. "Thank you for taking care of me."

Penny's voice had deserted her; impulsively, she raised his hand to her lips and kissed it gently. A few of her tears dripped onto his skin. She hadn't even noticed she was crying again. Shyly, she peered upward at Sheldon through her lashes like a little girl.

With a solemn expression in his eyes, he mimicked her actions. The hesitant brush of his lips on her skin was like a covenant, only Penny wasn't exactly sure what they were promising to each other. She didn't care.

A long moment passed as Sheldon and Penny looked at each other, their hands still half-raised between them. Then with the _ping _of the seatbelt sign, the moment was broken. Sheldon closed his eyes and leaned back, shifting his shoulders on the uncomfortable seat and settling their hands on his knee, his thumb stroking the spot where his lips had so briefly and tantalizingly met Penny's hand.

Sweaty Parent looked abashed and tried to pretend he hadn't been eavesdropping.

* * *

Missy walked into the baggage claim in her pajamas; it was the middle of the night, after all, and who cares whether or not her pants had little dancing brown bears on them? Her mother had just died, for crying out loud, and if anyone called her on it, she would rip the jerk a new one. Missy sighed. She wasn't in the best state of mind.

"Missy!" Penny's voice echoed from across the room. Missy turned and saw the pair wrestling a pink suitcase off of the moving platform. She raised an eyebrow at the sight of her brother and Penny holding hands. Wasn't she dating the short one, Leonard?

"Shelley," she said, reaching over to touch his elbow. To her astonishment, Sheldon put down the handle of his rolling suitcase and gave her a stiff one-armed hug. Missy couldn't remember the last time her weird twin had initiated a hug. "Penny." The blonde gave her a similar hug. Apparently they couldn't release each other's hands.

Interesting.

"Are you tired, Missy? We both slept a lot today, I'd be cool to drive, if you give me directions," Penny offered.

At that moment, Missy couldn't hold back a yawn. "I'd appreciate that. It's not that far out." Walking out to the tiny little airport parking lot, Missy managed to convince Sheldon that, no, she should sit in the front seat and he in the back, because she needed to direct Penny to their mother's house. He subsided with ill grace into the back seat. Every few minutes, he would reach out a long arm and touch Penny's shoulder as she drove, and she would take a hand briefly off of the wheel to pat the back of his hand.

That was it. Three AM or not, Missy was going to have to separate Sheldon and Penny and ask her _just what was going on. _


	5. Chapter 5

OH MY GOD. So, that episode. **SPOILERS**, by the way, but shame on you if you haven't seen it yet!

My brain exploded. It really did. Even if this is NOT the beginning of a canon P/S, it still was huge- Sheldon has _some kind_ of love for Penny. Whether or not it is platonic or romantic or whatever, he's feeling it. His face when she is singing Soft Kitty? So confused and troubled and thoughtful and tormented- and then next thing you know, he turns around to sing with her with the sweetest smile. Guess he's figuring out that Soft Kitty sung as a duet is just as good. I think I watched that part a billion times by now.

So, now I'm flailing around fangirlishly. This is what I wrote before I saw the episode, so there are no references to it whatsoever.

EDIT!!! It was pointed out to me by the wonderful, clever Cazza799 that I messed up ROYALLY. Penny had met Sheldon's mother in person- how could I forget that episode? It is now FIXED.

------

* * *

Penny parked the car in front of a pleasant little aluminum house on a concrete base, just like Sheldon had described. If it hadn't so obviously been loved, it would have just been another mass-produced cookie-cutter house on an ordinary road; but flowers had been lovingly planted by the hand-painted mailbox, and little wind chimes hung by the bright red door. Even though Penny had only once met Mary Cooper (and had only spoken to her on the phone once, and that was mostly about _underwear_ and _Sheldon's fault_ and _he took my_), the place exuded so much motherly love that she immediately knew she was at the right address.

Missy hauled the suitcases from the trunk as Sheldon opened the front door. It both tickled and saddened Penny that Sheldon kept that key on his key ring after all this time. He flicked the lights on, illuminating a cozy living room and kitchen. A hallway off to the side displayed four closed doors, each labeled neatly with a painted placard: Shelley, Missy, Billy, and Mommy & Daddy. Sheldon's eyes lingered on the last, before averting his eyes with a little twitch.

"Would you mind if I took a shower?" Sheldon asked immediately. "I dislike air travel. The dry air in the passenger cabin makes me feel unclean."

Penny put her hand to her hair, which did feel greasier than usual. "I'll go after you." Before disappearing down the hallway with his suitcase, Sheldon gave her shoulder an odd little pat.

He was so cute.

She turned back to Missy, who now had her arms crossed. The other woman's eyebrows were raised practically to her hairline. "So?" Missy began, the single word operating as a command rather than a question.

Penny wiped the fatuous expression from her face. "So." She was about to say something rather scathing, but Missy's eyes were still red, and there were big dark raccoon circles on her otherwise perfect skin. "Missy, how are you doing?"

Missy's expression went from nosy to devastated in a single second. "Awful!" she bawled, reeling over onto the couch. "And that was just today. Tomorrow there's more, and then the day after that, and I don't know how to do any of this funeral stuff! I keep wanting to ask Mom, but then I remember, and- and-"

"Oh, sweetie." Penny rubbed Missy's shoulders.

Missy snuffled a little, and wiped at her nose. "Meemaw is coming tomorrow. She'll help keep us together. We have a whole bunch of appointments. The funeral home, especially. I'm not letting Sheldon or Billy write the obituary, can you just imagine? I already went to the hospital to identify Mom's body-"

"You had to _what_?" Penny asked, horrified. Mary Cooper had been smashed by a car. Surely they wouldn't have made Missy look at that?

"I couldn't let the boys do it. You know how they are." Penny really didn't, but she could imagine. Sheldon couldn't even kill spiders. "I have to get some sleep. I couldn't get a wink. Maybe now that I'm not alone in the house, I'll be able to drop off."

"Get some rest, Missy." Missy stood, but did not leave. Instead, she crossed her arms and planted her feet like a drill sergeant.

"Three questions, Penny."

Penny had thought she was off the hook for the night. "Okay?" she replied warily.

"Are you in love with my brother?"

With furtive eyes, Penny glanced down the hallway. She could still hear the shower running, so she quietly replied. "I think so. Yes." She paused. "Yes. Definitely."

"Are you still dating Leonard?"

"No." At Missy's pleased look, Penny continued. "We broke up, oh, around seven hours ago. Guess why." Missy rolled her eyes. "You know, Raj asked me almost the exact same questions today," Penny teased.

"He sure is a cutie pie, isn't he? Too bad he can't talk to, you know, women. Now, stop distracting me. Last question." Missy gave Penny a little mischievous smile. "Do you need me to make up the couch for you, or will you find _some other place_ to sleep tonight?"

* * *

Sheldon stood in the warm spray of the shower. Contrary to popular belief, he wasn't a complete fool when it came to interpersonal relations. He was fully aware that Missy was peppering Penny with intrusive queries while he was otherwise occupied.

He was curious, however, what Penny was saying about him.

Sheldon knew his sexuality was a subject of great interest among his male friends. The three scientists, if they could be defined as such, had formulated multiple absurd hypotheses about his future reproduction- as if he could have evolved so differently that a new paradigm would be necessary to pass on his genes. No; _homo novus _or not, Sheldon would mate the same way as the standard human: with a similar primate of female gender.

Despite discussions pertaining to sperm banks, his mother's insistence that "Jesus loves babies," and his friends' pathological need to fulfill their incessant sexual appetites, his desire to produce offspring had remained purely hypothetical. He owed it to the human race to produce children, and that was all. Intercourse and its messy results were unnecessary; his sex drive, a minor detail in the grand scheme of existence, could be muted as all other base impulses. (When he had reached sexual maturity, he simply instigated a discreet bi-monthly masturbation program that would placate his hormones and restore equilibrium to his concentration. It was the only piece of his agenda that he did _not_ include on his schedule, which he had made public through the CalTech listserv for the last four years.)

Sheldon readjusted the water temperature to freezing cold. His hormone levels had spiked within the past day; he had noted all of the obvious signs of sexual arousal in himself, and, surprisingly enough, in Penny. The sense of pure, primal satisfaction at her acceptance of his caresses was unexpected and empowering, not to mention … intoxicating.

So this was why Leonard, Howard and Raj continually lusted after various women. The difference was that Sheldon was absolutely certain Penny was the only person who could entrance him so. He had, rather impulsively, said that he loved her. Granted, she was asleep, but such an open declaration was surely a sign that Sheldon had thrown all caution to the wind. Given his proclivities, Sheldon may as well have taken out a full-page ad in the paper. (If he read such a thing. Web news was quick, free, and didn't leave ink stains on his fingers.)

The one problem was that Penny was Leonard's girlfriend.

Of course, she seemed to be inclined to shift her attention to Sheldon. But it was a social convention that a friend should not steal a best friend's girlfriend; Sheldon had observed that such actions led to immediate conflict and, in the case of Wolowitz, declaring said friend to be "dead to him."

Except that for many months, Sheldon had privately stripped Leonard of the "best friend" title. After the debacle of the Arctic expedition, Leonard no longer deserved such recognition. In fact, Leonard's behavior in general had deteriorated since that summer. This would in no way justify Sheldon's betrayal of an implicit friendship compact, but it did serve to lessen his guilt.

Sheldon shut off the water, and tried not to shudder as he dried himself with a bacterially-compromised towel. Penny deserved better than Leonard. But, ultimately, such a decision was Penny's.

And so, he determined, Sheldon's course of action would be to, in as many ways as possible, present himself as the best candidate for her affections.

Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D., was up for the challenge.

* * *

Penny turned on her phone, and blanched. Six new messages from the Cheesecake Factory. She had forgotten to call in for her Saturday night shift. It was no big deal to miss one night. But a week? Two weeks? Penny wasn't sure she would have a job when she got back to California.

She didn't have the heart to listen to her voicemail; she'd do it tomorrow.

Selecting Leonard, Howard, and Raj, she tapped out a quick text: _P&S in Texas safe and sound._

Within a couple of seconds, her phone buzzed repeatedly- the boys must have stayed up late. Penny was grateful to have such good friends.

From Howard: _Glad to hear it- keep us updated. Try not to miss me too much- remember, I'm always available for sexting, day or night. _Well, Penny could have done without the last part, but whatever. His kindness this past day made her more tolerant of his innuendoes- for now.

She fired back a quick text to the weird little engineer: _I'll let Sheldon know about your generous offer. _(Three seconds later he responded: _No, oh dear God, no._)

A less lecherous note from Raj, but more unsettling: _Take care of Sheldor. Leonard saw the things I typed. Was threatened with death/dismemberment. Won't tell. _Oh, crap on a stick.

And lastly, from Leonard. _Thanks for text, was worried. Cheesecake factory called, I am emergency contact? Laid down the law on manager- I blustered, Raj lied, and Wolowitz cried. Job is safe. Please call me tomorrow, think we need to talk. _Yeah, I bet we do.

The shower stopped running. Penny opened her suitcase and dug around for a while before letting out a little groan.

"What is the matter?" Sheldon appeared in the hallway, in his customary Saturday pajamas and robe. His hair was still wet, and stuck up in places.

"I forgot PJs," Penny admitted sheepishly. She picked through the dresses she _had_ brought, wondering which would be the least uncomfortable to sleep in.

Sheldon disappeared into his room, and returned with two handfuls of red and green. "Would you prefer to be the Flash or Green Lantern?"

He was going to let her wear one of his _shirts_. One of his favorite shirts. Penny fought down the urge to squeal. "Who is better?" she said, as nonchalantly as she possibly could while her insides were dancing a tango.

"Penny, it would take me at least an hour to answer that question to the extent it deserves, so I will simplify it for you: red or green?" He held up each shirt as he slowly spoke the name of the color, as if she needed a visual aid. She snatched at a shirt and stuck out her tongue at him, mock-flouncing off to the bathroom.

It was the quickest shower she had ever taken, she was that eager to wear his shirt. The bright green t-shirt went down almost to her knees. She knew she looked absolutely darling in Sheldon's oversized shirt, but she still felt shy as she stepped out of the bathroom and into the hallway.

Sheldon still stood in the hall, in front of his mother's bedroom, one hand pressed to the closed door. The muscles in his jaw were clenched shut and occasionally rippled as he swallowed repeatedly. His eyes were bright with tears. To Penny, who was unused to seeing Sheldon show emotion, seeing him in such a state was like getting punched in the stomach.

Silently, Penny joined him, taking his free hand with her own. He clung to it like a drowning man. After a long moment, he tilted his head forward and sighed. "I cannot believe it," he said, so quietly Penny could barely hear him. "I feel like she should still be here- but she isn't." With one last touch on the door, he turned and walked with Penny to his bedroom.

Though Missy certainly assumed a lot, Penny wasn't sure she would be welcome in Sheldon's childhood room. But, rather chivalrously, Sheldon opened the door for her and escorted her inside, ushering her to the little twin bed with a light touch on her back. She sat down primly on the blue bedspread, smoothing her t-shirt over her suddenly weak knees, and Sheldon perched next to her, an anxious look on his face.

"Penny, earlier you stated that I was not exceeding your personal limits of friendly physical contact." She took a moment to process his string of words, then nodded. Reassured, he continued. "I have found it incredibly pleasant to sleep next to you. Would you be amenable to continuing this trend?"

"Honey, you want me to stay with you?" Penny needed to be sure this was what he meant; she already felt like she was taking advantage of his grief. Any physical steps forward at this point, she promised herself, would come from Sheldon. Big ol' five or not, she wasn't going to push him. No matter how sexy he looked with messy hair, or how inexplicably exciting it was to feel his soft shirt over her bare skin.

With his usual forthright manner, he kept his eyes trained on her face. "In short, yes."

"Of course, sweetie." Penny, feeling suddenly bashful, had to fight the urge to look away. "I like it, too," she blurted out, before mentally kicking herself in the shins.

Sheldon gave her one of his rare, genuine little smiles. "Good," he replied sincerely, before his face fell back into more sober lines. "But I have to ask- such privileges are usually reserved for lovers. Would Leonard be troubled by this arrangement?"

"Oh." That's right, Sheldon didn't know. "Leonard and I broke up today."

If she hadn't been looking directly into his face, Penny would have missed the flash of pleasure in Sheldon's blue eyes. He quickly controlled his facial expression, but Penny filed it away for future reference. "Are you in any distress?" he asked, all solicitousness, but the left corner of his mouth was smiling.

"No, I'm fine. I even think he and I are still friends." Penny patted Sheldon's hand. "It was for the best. Of course," she added, in a teasing, sing-song voice, "you've been saying all along that it was going to crash and burn."

"Yes, but if I recall correctly, neither of you paid me any mind."

"Eh, well." Penny beamed at Sheldon. "Ready to sleep?"

"Yes." Standing, he peeled back the sheets of the bed and climbed in. Penny followed, and he obligingly raised an arm as she wriggled closer to rest her head on his shoulder. The whole thing felt so domestic and cozy that she fell asleep almost immediately, with the soft thud of Sheldon's heartbeat and the warmth of his hand possessively resting on her waist.

* * *

I broke my rule: I usually finish the next chapter before posting, so I can weed out inconsistencies and find a better stopping point for each chapter. I think the Adhesive Duck Deficiency permanently harmed my brain.

I don't know when the next chapter will be ready. (It's planned out, but not written. Preview: we get to meet Meemaw and Billy.) Also, I might need to pound out a quick post-Duck fic to get some things out of my system.

Thank you to everyone for the reviews; they make my day. Really, they do.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry it has taken me so long to update. I totally freaked out after the Adhesive Duck Deficiency, and needed a frying pan to the head to get me back on track. But once it hit, BAM. I seriously wrote two chapters last night.

A few notes:

I edited Chapter 5, as the wonderful Cazza799 pointed out a big freaking error. I had written that Penny had only talked to Sheldon's mom on the phone, but NOT TRUE, she got to meet her in the fourth episode of Season 1. Whoops! It is now fixed.

This chapter is weird, and was kind of hard to write. I used the POV of two characters we have NOT seen in the show (so far, crosses fingers). I would truly appreciate any comments that could help me improve those sections.

Paradox, I willingly offer you my soul, as my life would be empty without you.

That is all.

* * *

Billy entered the house quietly, with his own set of keys. Mom had always made sure that all the kids had copies of her keys, because "you always got a home here, my little ducks, no matter how far you fly away." Well, Missy had "flown" only twenty minutes away by car, Billy had set himself up in Houston, and Sheldon had all but fled to California. But Billy was still ready to bet pretty big money that all three of them kept their mother's keys on them at all times.

Entering the house was almost painful. Everything still looked as if Mom had just tidied up. He wondered if this was better or worse than when the place started to look dusty and cluttered. Not that it mattered. That time would come soon enough.

The dim early light was almost enough to see by, and he would have made it through the living room unharmed if there hadn't been an open suitcase and its contents strewn across the middle of the floor. Billy cursed, then covered his mouth guiltily. Even if Mom was dead, it didn't mean he should say a swear in her house. ('Sides, Jesus could always hear him, up in Heaven.)

Whoa, the stuff in the suitcase was pretty girly. Lots of bright patterns and flounces and interesting skimpy underwear.

Curious, Billy tiptoed to Missy's door and peeked in. His little sister was sprawled out on her bed, her eyes puffy and snoring like a pig. An overflowing duffel bag sat next to her closet. Well then, it wasn't her stuff. Maybe Sheldon had become a cross-dresser? Billy shuddered a little. He'd make one ugly chick.

A little hesitantly, Billy reached for Sheldon's door handle. He still (un)fondly remembered the time his brother had hooked up some kind of homemade battery to the knob, giving Billy some pretty interesting electrical burns on three of his fingers.

The door gave a little creak, and he slowly wedged it open an inch. Half expecting a "Danger, danger" or something equally weird to come howling from the bed, Billy was instead surprised with the most unexpected sight, well, _ever_. Like, his jaw actually dropped. To the floor.

Shutting the door, Billy rushed back to Missy's bedroom with no pretense at silence. "Missy, wake up," he hissed, shaking her roughly.

Missy rolled over and groaned, squinting at him sleepily. "What. Is. It." Blinking a little, she sat up. "Billy, you're here! Took you long enough."

"Yeah, yeah, never mind that. Why is there a _gorgeous blonde_ in bed with _Sheldon_?"

* * *

Meemaw, too, had her own key.

The children were still sleeping when she let herself in at 9:30 AM. Meemaw usually went to the earlier 9 o'clock service on Sundays, but for once didn't feel like getting out of bed. She had laid there, eyes open, watching the clock tick the seconds away and wondering if it was even worth it to move.

Her last baby was dead, but her grandchildren would still need her; that last thought gave her the courage to get up. And so Meemaw had dressed, put some groceries in a bag, and drove down to Mary's house.

Billy's shoes were upended by the front door, and there were bright, feminine clothes all over the floor. Meemaw clicked her tongue as she started a pot of strong coffee. Shelley was the only one of Mary's brood that could keep himself neat. Lord forgive her for choosing favorites, but she had a great big soft spot for Shelley.

As she started a pan of bacon, Meemaw heard a rustling noise inside Shelley's room. "Moonpie?" she called softly, in case Missy and Billy were still fast asleep. "Moonpie, I'm making bacon an' eggs."

The door creaked open. "Smell coffee," groaned a young blonde woman, bent nearly double as she crept into the living room. She wore only a green t-shirt, one of Shelley's. Even with no makeup and her hair tousled and tangled from sleep, she was clearly a lovely young thing.

"Well, hello there," Meemaw said in an even voice, deftly turning the bacon with a hand that barely shook. Never let it be said that Carol Sue Cooper couldn't take a surprise standing on her own two feet. "Is my moonpie up yet?"

The girl smiled, bright like a ray of sunshine, and Meemaw couldn't help but smile back. "You must be Sheldon's Meemaw," she replied, and Meemaw was struck harder by this casual declaration than the fact that the girl had come half-dressed from Shelley's bedroom. Walking into the kitchen, the girl offered her hand to shake. "I'm Penny."

Meemaw batted her hand aside, and hugged the girl tightly. "None of that. We don't shake hands in this family." Penny blushed. "I'm Carol Sue Cooper, but you call me Meemaw, you hear?"

"Yes, Meemaw," said Penny obediently. "You're a Cooper, too? I thought Sheldon's father's name was Cooper."

"Well, see, my Mary Cooper married her a George Cooper," said Meemaw with a little wink. "No relation, as far as we could tell, or if there was, it's far back enough."

Penny grinned back. "I'm from _Nebraska_," she told Meemaw with a waggle of her eyebrows, and the two women shared a laugh.

"Meemaw?" Sheldon stood in the doorway of his room in his pajamas, blinking in a somewhat bewildered manner.

"Moonpie." Meemaw's eyes blurred a little, though she held back her tears with sheer force of will; instead, she gave a loud wet _sniff _and held out her arms. "Come give Meemaw a hug." He complied, and she was once again surprised by how tall her little boy had grown. "Oh, my Shelley."

"I'll just clean up this mess," murmured Penny, quietly slipping out of the kitchen. Bending down, she dragged the suitcase and clothing out of the middle of the living room, tugging it into Shelley's bedroom. In the process, she managed to show a great deal of leg and lacy underwear. Meemaw snuck a peek at Shelley, who, to her pleasure, had two little patches of pink on his cheeks.

"Go get that little girl a pair of shorts," she told him, and gave Shelley a gentle push toward his bedroom. Shelley and Penny (my, didn't her name fit nicely within the family pattern) gave identical squeaks, and Penny stood up quickly, covering her bottom with both hands.

Shelley coughed convulsively. "Yes, I think I will do that." He walked stiffly into his room, and Meemaw could hear drawers opening and closing. Penny followed, self-consciously holding down the hem of her shirt with her hands.

"Can I call you moonpie, too?" Meemaw could practically hear Penny bat her eyes pleadingly, sweet as sugar.

"No, you may not. Stop asking."

"But you're nummy nummy and I could just-" Sheldon pushed the door shut then, but not before Meemaw saw the wide-eyed, startled-fawn look he had thrown in her direction.

Meemaw giggled like a schoolgirl as she turned back to her cooking bacon. "Mary, he's going to be just fine," she said to the air, wishing her daughter was there to gasp and gossip- and rejoice- with her. "Just fine."

* * *

Penny, feeling a bit less exposed now that she was wearing a faded old pair of Spiderman boxers, sat at the counter shoulder-to-shoulder with Sheldon, picking at her plate of bacon and eggs. Meemaw had forcibly arranged the four "children," as she called them, in order of age, all the while bustling around the kitchen with a cleaning rag.

Although maybe "bustling" wasn't the right word. Penny usually associated that with the image of a round, older woman with red cheeks and curly gray hair.

Meemaw, on the other hand, was practically the opposite. Like Mary Cooper, Carol Sue Cooper was a slim woman with a fantastic figure and a head of dark hair. And all of this was wrapped up in a rather tight, stylish dress and stiletto heels. Meemaw must have had Sheldon's mother when she was, like four years old, Penny mused silently to herself. There was no other explanation for Meemaw's youthful looks.

"You're a sweetheart," Meemaw said, and Penny realized she must have spoken her last thought out loud. "Tack on another fifteen years, and you'd have my age."

"_Suckup_," Billy coughed.

He was rewarded with a spoon smacking the back of his head. "Willabee Cooper," Meemaw threatened.

"_Willabee?_"Penny mouthed incredulously at Sheldon, who smirked.

His breath was warm on her ear. "And you thought Sheldon was an unusual name."

"Shut up and eat up," Meemaw said, pointing her spoon at each of the four in turn. "We're going to church, then we start doing all the unpleasant things we need to do. And I don't want to see any black. Mary Cooper didn't hold with that color, and neither do I. Mournin's done in the heart, not the feathers."

And that was how Penny found herself in her brightest yellow sundress, wearing borrowed sunflower earrings and even more makeup than she usually wore while clubbing. Missy was resplendent in hot pink and rhinestones, Billy wore the gaudiest shirt Penny had ever seen on a straight man, and even Sheldon rose to the occasion in his red The Flash t-shirt.

Meemaw planted her tall red patent leather heels on the kitchen tiles. "Coopers!" she barked roughly, straightening her back and setting her chin high, even as her eyes filled with tears. "Are you ready to do your mother proud?"

"Yes," came the ragged answer, from three sets of hoarse throats. Missy sniffed, dabbing at her eyeliner. Penny was silent as she clung to Sheldon's hand, which had closed convulsively on hers.

Meemaw stamped her foot impatiently, her heels making a dull _click_ on the floor. "I said," she repeated, raising her voice, "Coopers!" Meemaw's blue eyes met Penny's with a fierce challenge.

Sheldon squeezed her hand and she looked up at him. His head was inclined to the side in silent question, his eyes dark and deep and definitely hot, and it took Penny's breath away.

_Forever, _she decided in that moment, _forever and ever and ever and ever, _and maybe mind-melding was real, because Sheldon certainly seemed to be able to hear her. His thumb stroked the pulse point on her wrist intimately in response, his gaze unwavering.

After what felt like eternity (but was really only seven taps of Meemaw's heels), Penny finally tore her eyes away from Sheldon and immediately blushed, remembering they were standing there practically having hand-sex _in front of his family_. She was met by the disconcerting sight of Missy giving a teary double-thumbs up (looking eerily like Raj, despite being a tall attractive woman) and a fist pump from Billy-Willabee.

"Now that _that's_ settled," Meemaw's voice was testy, though this was betrayed by her broad, triumphant grin. "Let's try this one more time. COOPERS!" she bellowed.

And so, having been invited into the family, Penny joined the chorus. "YES!" she shouted as loudly as she could, along with Sheldon and his siblings, and they walked out the door and into the harsh reality of the real world.

* * *

As usual, would love any comments that can help with my writing.

Mary Cooper was unexpectedly hawt, so for some reason I have always imagined Meemaw to be so, too. After all, Sheldon and Missy seem to have some fantastic genes in them.

The next chapter is a weird, long outtake of sorts, showing the guys back in Pasadena dealing with the fallout. I wasn't going to include it in the story, but the boys started to riot for screen time, so I sucked it up and gave it to them.


	7. Chapter 5 point 5

Hey, guys. This is kind of an outtake, set directly after Penny and Sheldon fly to Texas. The boys really wanted to be a part of the story. This was seriously going to be a tiny little chapter, but … well, you know how it is.

Lord of the Rings and Zoolander references, one of each.

Also, I know the Potted Orchid Proposition and probably other fics used some form of "cock-blocked by Sheldon," but … it was too great not to say. So it is in this fic, too. : )

Authors notes at the end, this time.

* * *

RECAP FROM CHAPTER 2:

Leonard had dumped Raj's empty soda cans, a scattering of paper napkins, and a half-spilled mug of cold coffee when a few typed sentences on Sheldon's open laptop grabbed Leonard's attention. He sat down hard, dropping a handful of coffee-infused napkins on the rug at his feet.

_Are you attracted to Sheldon?_

And then worse: _Are you going to break up with Leonard?_

Then the final ball-breaker: _Don't worry, I promise I won't tell Leonard.

* * *

_

RECAP FROM CHAPTER 5:

Selecting Leonard, Howard, and Raj, she tapped out a quick text: _P&S in Texas safe and sound._

Within a couple of seconds, her phone buzzed repeatedly- the boys must have stayed up late. Penny was grateful to have such good friends.

From Howard: _Glad to hear it- keep us updated. Try not to miss me too much- remember, I'm always available for sexting, day or night. _Well, Penny could have done without the last part, but whatever. His kindness this past day made her more tolerant of his innuendoes- for now.

She fired back a quick text to the weird little engineer: _I'll let Sheldon know about your generous offer. _(Three seconds later he responded: _No, oh dear God, no._)

A less lecherous note from Raj, but more unsettling: _Take care of Sheldor. Leonard saw the things I typed. Was threatened with death/dismemberment. Won't tell. _Oh, crap on a stick.

And lastly, from Leonard. _Thanks for text, was worried. Cheesecake factory called, I am emergency contact? Laid down the law on manager- I blustered, Raj lied, and Wolowitz cried. Job is safe. Please call me tomorrow, think we need to talk. _Yeah, I bet we do.

* * *

"Look at it this way," Howard said consolingly, for the five-hundredth time, "the question 'are you attracted to Sheldon' isn't followed immediately by 'I don't believe you' or 'Have you gone completely bat-shit crazy." Which means it is highly possible the answer was not yes."

"But then why would Koothrappali ask Penny if she was going to break up with me?" said Leonard, his voice permanently stuck in whiny-mode. "But maybe," he answered himself, desperately grasping at straws, "maybe she said she _wasn't_ attracted to Sheldon, and asked Koothrappali why he would ask such a question unless _he _thought she was going to break up with me, even though she wasn't intending to do so, and _then_ he said 'I promise I won't tell Leonard,' referring to the fact that he asked Penny if she was going to break up with me."

Howard stared blankly at Leonard. "Wait, what?"

Leonard sighed. At least when he was talking to Sheldon, the smarmy bastard was always able to understand the stream of consciousness that would inevitably be retched forth from the depths of Leonard's pathetic soul. "In summary, maybe it's not what it looks like."

"Yeah, that's what you've been saying for, like, the last hour. But L-Dawg, seeing that you're sitting in this apartment, dumped and alone, and Penny is currently glued to Sheldon, maybe you need to plan for Contingency B."

"Which is _what_?" Leonard said, exasperated.

"Well." Howard steepled his fingers under his chin. "Say that Penny, the comely cheesecake-scented goddess, really _is_ lusting after Sheldon. And, by some miracle, he is one hot potato underneath his six layers of comic book t-shirts, and succumbs to her extremely kinky yet tender sexual advances."

"Get to the point!"

Howard's eyes refocused after a moment of blissful fantasy. "Oh, right. You, Leonard, will probably need to commit suicide, because you'll be completely and utterly screwed. Cock-blocked by Sheldon. Your life would basically be meaningless."

"Thanks a lot," Leonard retorted, but he wasn't able to keep his voice from cracking. "Maybe she just likes him as a friend," he said, but this argument sounded weak even to his own ears. Not that it mattered, anyway. Whether or not Penny did view Sheldon as something more than a friend, she didn't want Leonard. Mathematically, Sheldon was still assigned a variable; Leonard was already a big fat zero.

"Maybe." Howard shrugged. "But honestly, she's never been that nice to _you_, and the two of you have been doing it for months now."

Leonard pounded his head on the coffee table. "Thanks for cheering me up."

It was strange. When he had Penny, all Leonard could think about was sex and the ego-boosting appeal of having a beautiful blonde girlfriend; only now, at the end of all things, did he realize how much he really cared for her as a person. Leonard opened his mouth to say all of this out loud, before pressing his lips together with an air of finality. The last thing he wanted- or needed- was to see a look of pity wash over Howard's face.

So, instead, Leonard sat in silence, trying to commit to memory the moments of his relationship he most treasured, before they faded into vague, fleeting impressions of shining blonde hair and gleaming smiles in the dark.

* * *

The apartment door banged open. "Dude," said Raj, "that was probably the most awkward car ride I've ever given. I thought I was going to wet myself." He paused in the doorway as Leonard and Howard spun in his direction, both men poised like hungry wolves around Sheldon's laptop, which was set up in the place of honor on the couch. "Oh, monkey crackers."

"Don't you dare!" Leonard shouted as Raj darted into the hallway. Leaping over the back of the couch with more agility than he ever suspected he had, Leonard managed to tackle Raj in front of 3A, knocking over Mrs. Vartebedian's potted plant in the process. One hand firmly gripping Raj's sweater vest, he hauled the gibbering Indian up the stairs and back into the apartment. "Sit," he commanded, and Raj sullenly slumped onto the couch.

"I'm not going to tell," he muttered, crossing his arms. "I promised."

"How about this," leered Howard, as he leaned forward predatorily. "You tell us all the deliciously dirty details, and by _dirty_ I mean _absolutely filthy_, and I won't rip your left arm off and beat you unconscious with it."

Leonard was beginning to suspect that Wolowitz wasn't really on his side after all. "How about this," Leonard repeated, desperate to hear his ex-lover's thoughts about another man. God, he really was a total masochist. "You tell me what she said, _and I won't kill you_!"

Evidently something in Leonard's expression must have been genuinely threatening. Raj squeaked, and began stuttering indistinguishable Hindi words when Leonard's phone rang.

"We're not done here," Leonard mouthed silently, before pressing a button and answering. "Hello?"

He paused, listening. "Yes, I'm Leonard." Covering the mouthpiece with his hand, he hissed, "Shut up, Koothrappali," before turning his attention back to the phone.

"I'm Penny's emergency contact? Oh. I didn't know she had a dinner shift. She left on a family emergency and- what? I don't know. A week?" He looked at Howard and Raj, who shrugged in response. Raj held up one finger, then two, and quirked his eyebrow. "Maybe two?"

"We got the call this afternoon and- no, she just left. If her phone's off, it's because she's at the airport. No! Hey, wait a minute. Are you saying that- you know what?" Leonard's voice rose to a fevered pitch. "We'll be there in five minutes, buddy. We'll talk then."

"What the frakk?" Howard asked, as Leonard clicked the phone off and jammed it loudly back into its holder.

"Penny's asshole manager wants to fire her. We're going to the Cheesecake Factory … now."

* * *

It actually took them much longer than five minutes to get to the restaurant. First, Raj had to pee three times in anticipation of a conflict, and then Howard insisted on stopping by his mother's house to get his "crap yourself, bitch" gear on, which was basically his Goth leather jacket and pants minus the fake tattooed sleeves.

Whatever, thought Leonard. It seemed to boost the man's confidence. Howard strutted into the Cheesecake Factory like a very small action hero, pausing only to nod manfully at Bernadette, who was serving drinks at the bar.

Leonard, with much less swagger, approached the hostess at the front door. "Excuse me," he said, as confidently as he could to a statuesque woman who was nearly half a foot taller, "we need to speak to your manager. Mitchell."

A mousy middle-aged man appeared like magic. "I'm Mitchell, night manager," he said, looking askance at Howard, who was attempting to physically dominate the scene by puffing out his thin chest and swinging his shoulders.

"Stop it," Leonard muttered out of the corner of his mouth. "You look like a dying eel."

"Do not," the engineer whispered.

Raj snickered. "Do."

"Can I help you?" Mitchell repeated, fake smile in place..

"_Doctor_ Leonard Hofstadter," Leonard said pompously. "You called about Penny."

Mitchell relaxed his face into what was probably the official Cheesecake Factory annoyed-but-conciliatory-manager-expression. "Yes, Penny. I'm afraid it is our policy to, er, 'let go' any staff member who fails to attend more than two shifts without calling in. We have been lenient in the past, but this is a busy Saturday night."

"But it was an emergency!" Leonard retorted. "Our friend's mother died, and Penny took him home to Texas. In the moment of crisis, she understandably forgot to call the restaurant, and her phone is off because she's in a _plane_."

"Oh." Here, Mitchell began to look a bit awkward underneath his corporate bluster. "Well, a death in the family usually is a mitigating circumstance, but … we really do need to at least be informed in the event of an absence … " he trailed off, running a hand through his thinning hair.

Bernadette had slipped out from the bar. Grasping Howard's leather-clad arm, she looked up at Leonard with her big, ingenuous eyes that were already pooling with sympathetic tears. "What's going on? Is Penny okay?" she asked, and several yellow-and-blue clad waiters and waitresses began to cluster around the group. Clearly, Penny was popular amongst the staff, which did not surprise Leonard one bit.

"No, honey-bunches," Howard told her. "Sheldon's mother was killed in an accident." Bernadette burst into noisy tears.

"Wait, did you say Sheldon?" Mitchell's head snapped up. "Crazy Tuesday hamburger guy?"

"Cheeseburger," Leonard corrected snidely. The tide was turning in their favor. "Barbecue bacon cheeseburger, with barbecue sauce, bacon and cheese on the side, served on a heat-and-bleach sterilized plate. Remember him? He's unbalanced. Really unbalanced."

"As long as she's back soon. Otherwise, we'll probably need to give away her hours permanently." Mitchell said, grudgingly. Leonard glared at the man; this level of animosity was not necessary. He wondered if Mitchell had had a thing for Penny.

Bernadette gasped. "That's mean, Mitchell!" she cried, raising her little fist to prod (it couldn't by any stretch of the imagination be called a punch) her manager in the forearm. "Everyone needs a little help once in a while. It's nice of Penny to take Sheldon home when his mother died. She shouldn't lose her job!" Several other waitresses murmured ominously, and Mitchell's eyes darted back and forth.

Mutiny was on the horizon.

Howard had given up on his macho act, much to Leonard's relief; unfortunately, this meant he was attempting to make sad puppy eyes at Penny's boss. "She'll be back as soon as she can," he pleaded, blinking up some big crocodile tears. He and Bernadette looked up at the manager with identical teary expressions.

"Look," said Raj suddenly, speaking up for the first time. "I wasn't going to say anything. It was a secret."

Mitchell paused. "What?"

"What?" Leonard repeated, confused.

Leaning forward conspiratorially, Raj lowered his voice to a whisper. "Don't spread it around, but he made me go ring shopping with him."

The waitresses squealed in unison.

"Penny … and crazy Tuesday guy?" Mitchell's brain had apparently broken. And so had Leonard's; he was unable to control the surprised drop of his jaw. Luckily, Mitchell was too busy gaping at Raj to notice.

Bernadette looked back and forth between Raj and Leonard. "But," she began, about the blow the whole deal. The three guys blinked rapidly at her for several seconds before the insight hit her hard. "Oh. Oh! I, um, didn't know they were that serious," she said, and her affirmation seemed to be the final straw needed to break Mitchell's faltering resolve.

"Okay. We won't fire Penny. Wow. Hamburger guy. Didn't see that coming."

"You didn't?" said a redhead Leonard had never seen before. "Penny talks about him all the time. I mean, like, constantly."

Leonard was both relieved and disgruntled that the conversation had taken such a turn. He had been dating Penny for months now, and the subject had seriously never come up at work? Even though Penny talked about Sheldon "like, constantly?"

Raj smiled, cool as a cucumber. "Well, now you see why Penny had to go. Her future mother-in-law died."

"Yes." Mitchell started to turn away, but stopped. "I would appreciate it if you did not tell Penny we were going to fire her. It might make the workplace environment … awkward."

Leonard bared his teeth in a semblance of a smile, grinding his teeth. Not a chance in hell, buddy. "Sure. We'll keep it between us, pal." Raj, Howard and Bernadette nodded, which seemed to satisfy Mitchell.

"I'd better get back to work," Bernadette told them, giving Howard's arm an extra squeeze. "You have to tell me all about this later," she whispered, before returning to her bar counter. The other waiters scattered, hastily attending to their neglected tables.

Walking out of the double doors, the three scientists exchanged a look. "We did it," Leonard said, surprise creeping into his voice. "We actually saved the day."

"I spoke in front of _women_," Raj said wonderingly. "Women. Attractive women."

Howard pulled a plastic comb from the pocket of his leather jacket. Combing his hair backwards into a 1950's 'do, he jerked his head toward the door. "Let's blow this joint."

And so they strutted out, feeling like the strongest men in the world.

* * *

Much, much later, over a victory dinner of non-Sheldon approved Chinese food, the three boys dissected their triumph.

"Sheldon didn't _really_ take you ring shopping, right?" Howard asked, his mouth full of noodles.

Leonard snorted. "C'mon. Of course he didn't. Besides," he pointed out, gesturing with his chopsticks, "if Sheldon was going ring shopping_, I'd_ be the one to drive him. Best friend and roommate status."

"Wait a minute," protested Raj. "I work with Sheldon now." ("For Sheldon," Howard interjected, before being silenced by glares from both Leonard and Raj.) "We're getting closer, like peanut butter and jelly. Without bread. Or homosexuality."

"Get back on topic, Raj."

"Or jelly," the astrophysicist continued. "I don't like jelly. But I do like peanut butter. Salty and sweety."

"Um, fine," Howard cut in. "Besides, consider this, Leonard. If Sheldon was buying an engagement ring for Penny, don't you think it would be _tres_ awkward for him to ask you to help him pick out the physical representation of the final nail in the Leonard-Penny relationship coffin?"

"Yeah. I guess so. I am her ex, now." Leonard fell silent, staring down at his orange chicken, and the other two men exchanged a nervous glance.

One surreptitious round of rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock later, Howard winced and opened his mouth. "Are you okay, Leonard? You know, about Penny fracturing your heart like an orc's skull under a dwarvish battle axe?"

"Oh, thanks, Howard," said Leonard sarcastically, but then he sighed. "I'll be okay," he said, trying to convince himself as well as his two friends. "I'll even be okay with the idea of Penny and Sheldon, which kind of bothers me- shouldn't it bother me? It hasn't even been a day."

"You're asking the wrong guys, dude," said Raj.

Leonard continued, ignoring Raj. "I mean, I'm definitely unhappy; I was even furious when I read what Koothrappali wrote … " he trailed off, his face wistful. "Dating Penny was wonderful and, in a way, I never really expected it to work out." Here, he swallowed back a lump in his throat that definitely was not chow mein, and decided to gloss over the pain he was feeling; it was far too private and, he was ashamed to admit to himself, a little too humiliating to share with his friends. "I can just be her friend again; I'll be proud to be her friend. Howard and Raj and Leonard and Sheldon, plus Penny."

"Yeah, well, right now it's Howard and Raj and Leonard, plus Penny and Sheldon," Raj pointed out.

"Or, even better, Howard and Bernadette, and Raj and Leonard, plus Penny and Sheldon," Howard corrected, looking quite smug.

"Penny and Sheldon," Leonard mused. "I never would have thought. They _hated_ each other at first, and now they're practically-"

"HE TOLD HER HE LOVED HER," Raj blurted out, dropping his food onto the coffee table. "I HEARD HIM. HE SAID IT." Grabbing his soda, Raj chugged the whole can, gasping with both relief and oxygen deprivation. "Sorry, I had to tell someone. And technically, I didn't break my promise to Penny."

"Holy shit," Howard said, reverently.

Leonard leaned forward, grinning at Raj's discomfort. "Okay, _this _is something you need to share with the rest of the book group," he teased. And at that moment, Leonard _truly_ realized he was going to be all right. Penny and Sheldon would come home, being whatever the hell they were, and Leonard would be here, the same perennial good guy, no hard feelings. Only good feelings.

Good neighbor feelings.

Best friend feelings.

And someday, just maybe, Best Man feelings?

Wouldn't that be the day, Leonard thought, and smiled an almost genuine smile, pushing down the indescribable ache in his heart. He wondered if he would always feel this way, or if it would eventually get better; he wondered if this was real love, wanting the other person to be happy, even if it killed you.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

I really agonized over this chapter. I know (certainly at Paradox, at least) the Leonard/Penny relationship has been dissected over and over. I went back and forth multiple times on how Leonard should feel (like, five drafts worth). He actually started out quite lighthearted about the whole breakup in the first draft, but I decided to go with the idea that Leonard would be devastated but with a stiff upper lip. (After all, I made him cry in chapter 2.)

Basically, here's what happened: I was dissatisfied by both versions. I loved elements from each, so no matter what I ended up posting, I felt cheated.

I would love to know how you feel about this decision, and whether or not this was just a sappy drag on a fun Leonard-Raj-Howard adventure.

Also, in case anyone thinks Penny's boss is too much of a filthy bitch … yeah, I totally knew this guy. So it happens.

In the next chapter: funeral stuff and sadness. I am putting off writing it because I may cry/have Post Traumatic Stress-style flashbacks.


	8. Chapter 7

There are some pretty extensive author's notes here.

1. This was a really tough chapter to write. (So tough, it actually stopped being a chapter. More on that in a sec.) But here's a summary of what happened: I wrote a crap-awful draft, reread it, then went to reread dashakay's beautiful "Though They Sink Through The Sea." Then I metaphorically ripped off my glasses and said "fudge" (except I really didn't say fudge) because I don't think anything I could write in prose would ever come close to her touching farewell.

Here was my solution to this fanfic rut.

When I was seventeen, my father died rather suddenly. Seventeen is pretty old; by this age, my brain had the ability to retain memories unlike, say, the squishy brain of a toddler. Yet, to this day, I can only remember bare snippets of the day of his funeral, though I apparently functioned decently enough at the time. (Or people were polite and didn't say anything. Who knows- maybe I was drooling.)

So, this is the concept I had in mind for Chapter 7. It is in drabble form, 100 words apiece. I chose my favorites. I hope it isn't too much of a cop out- if I get too many negative responses, maybe I'll reattempt a standard chapter.

The next one will be back to normal. As far as I've planned, there are two more chapters coming, plus an epilogue.

2. "Right or Ryn" on asked this question: do you think he's using Penny as a replacement?

I'm really hoping Sheldon isn't doing this. In the series, Sheldon loves his mother (and his meemaw) very much. But on a day-to-day basis, he doesn't seem to be emotionally dependent on them. (If he's dependent on anyone, it would be Leonard, but in a very practical sense, like car rides and food and conversation. Penny, feel free to replace Leonard in Sheldon's life. As a matter of fact, Sheldon, feel free to replace Leonard in Penny's life, as well.)

I like to think that, in this story, Sheldon is discovering that Penny is a person he can rely on when he is devastated, the person around whom he can feel vulnerable without becoming defensive. Maybe this is similar to how he acts with his mother on the show (except he _is_ sulky and defensive, but still, it's his _mom_), but hopefully he will discover he can do the same for Penny when she needs it, which would make the relationship more adult than a parent-child paradigm.

3. I'm still posting this on , but I'm also putting it on Livejournal as well. I really like the comments system on LJ. I can respond with more immediacy to things people say.

Thanks for bearing with me. I'm tired and still working, and the Christmas season is always a bit rough, which makes writing harder. I hope everyone is having a nice restful holiday.

* * *

The week passed quickly, brutally.

Penny watched it fly by in a blur of images, dazed. She clung all the more to Sheldon, desperately needing the comfort despite the fact that it wasn't _her _mother who was killed without warning, or _her_ family that had been ripped apart and forced back together, only with vital parts missing.

Except it _was_ her family now. Because of Sheldon, who has become her 0, 0, 0, 0.

On Tuesday, while Sheldon is in the shower, Billy digs out Mary Cooper's spare key and puts it on Penny's keychain. She cries into Meemaw's shoulder.

* * *

In quick succession, they had made arrangements with the church, the pastor, caterers, lawyers, the bank, the hospital. (Penny was pretty sure they had visited every funeral home in Galveston before finding one that met Sheldon's stringent specifications.) Between Meemaw's formidable glare, Missy's remarkable organization and Sheldon's, well, Sheldonness, the funeral would be held the following Sunday.

Mary Cooper's killer was still in custody, sober now and terrified, pleading for mercy from the court and the Cooper family. "He is irrelevant," said Sheldon, coldly, and the others agree. (Later, they hear he has been sentenced to fifteen years in prison.)

* * *

Their last errand took them to the cemetery, to George Cooper's grave.

One half of the headstone bore his name and the relevant dates; the other half had been left blank. Soon the stone would be dug up and engraved, this time with the words "beloved daughter, wife and mother."

Only after a fierce, whispered discussion would the Cooper children decide to add "beloved father" to George's side. Oddly enough, Billy seemed to be the holdout.

Penny didn't ask; but that night, in stammering whispers, Sheldon told her anyway. Afterward, she promised she would never again spike his Cuba Libres.

* * *

Sheldon insisted on paying for it all; he was the only one, he argued, with a stable and somewhat lucrative career. Which was true, since Missy still worked at Fuddrucker's and Billy was currently inching his way up in his friend's father's construction company (inching being the operative word).

Coopers were frugal by nature, but Sheldon's "modest" bank account still took a seven thousand dollar hit.

He held his credit card out unflinchingly, and Penny was reminded of his can of snake-guarded peanut brittle, and the earnest, unselfish expression on his face as he had offered her a no-strings-attached loan.

* * *

Penny, in her black dress (it showed more boobs than she had originally thought, but then again, both Missy _and_ Meemaw were sporting a little bit of cleavage today, so whatever), sat at a rented table accepting condolence cards and envelopes. She murmured "thank you" and "we're glad you came" to strangers so many times the words had lost almost all meaning.

Until Billy came up to her, looking as weary as she felt. "I think I'd better take over," he told her, raking a hand through his hair as he collapsed into a folding metal chair. "Go to Sheldon."

* * *

The Coopers, minus Billy, stood at the front of the church, greeting dozens of family and cousins and friends and acquaintances. Mary Cooper was a popular woman; practically everyone she knew, from her church group to the checkout ladies from the supermarket, had showed up to pay their respects.

Meemaw and Missy stood with identical ramrod backs, dry-eyed and grim, graciously accepting handshakes and hugs with stoic expressions on their faces; the night before, they had purposefully cried themselves out over a series of photo albums and a "few" stiff drinks. (They apologized, drunkenly, to both Mary Cooper and Jesus.)

* * *

Sheldon was doing his best impression of a robot, but was inevitably failing; with the arrival of each new mourner, his shoulders slumped a fraction of a millimeter more. By the time Penny got to the front of the church, he was already hunched like a giant preying mantis, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

Penny put a gentle hand on Sheldon's elbow; he turned to her, his wide eyes filled with gratitude, as she gracefully took her place by his side.

When she first introduces herself as his girlfriend, Sheldon smiles involuntarily and stands just a little straighter.

* * *

After the service, everyone else ate snack food and small sandwiches, and told funny stories (with teary eyes) about Mary Cooper.

Penny sat with Sheldon in the men's bathroom and held him as he cried for the first time since his mother died.

His arms were wrapped around the sealed metal urn he had stolen from the altar. "I hope she's in Heaven, now, with Jesus and Gampers and my father and Aunt Marian and Lucky," he said. "I'm an atheist, but if it means she's happy, I would be more than glad to be proven wrong. Just this once."

* * *

That night, oh, that one night Penny both dreaded and suspected may be "the night," Sheldon kisses her for the first time. And it feels _just right_ … except that it isn't.

Reluctantly, she pulls back, gripping his arm with trembling fingers. "Sheldon, we shouldn't do this today."

His fingers are still poised on her cheek as he pauses to consider. "Yes, you are correct," he admits.

She has waited a whole week for this, a whole week _sharing his bed_, but she can wait just a little big longer. "But soon," she insists, just in case.

"Soon," he agrees.

* * *

I welcome constructive criticism. Especially this time.


End file.
